MILLER-ISMS


“I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.”

“Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.”

“If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.”

"Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again."

"Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if everybody in the country mocked me."

“There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.”

“Sure, the lion is king of the jungle but airdrop him into Antarctica,
& he's just a penguin's bitch.”

"Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but..." (famous beginning to some of his skits)

"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."

"Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose."

"I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian. I'm not Ed Murrow up on the roof in a London fog reporting on the blitz."

"I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown."

"We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except look at it. It's like porn with leaves."

"I rant, therefore I am"

"Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer."

"I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed."

"Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours."